So… I guess I should start with some kind of apology or excuse. My hope was to update this blog weekly as can be read in my post from about a year ago and obviously I have not. But the silence is over now as I have finally found something purposeful to do with this bit of web space I have claimed for myself.
But first I will have to tell you a short story to make any sense to you. Last year, before I was getting myself ready for volunteering in Malaysia, I had a wonderfully beautiful and soul shattering experience. Thanks to specifically two people in my personal life, I found myself in a ceremony around December of 2015 drinking a dirty little brew that is commonly known as ayahuasca. The things that happened in my 6 hour internal soul journey after drinking ayahuasca were very otherworldly and difficult to describe, in part due to a lack of a suitable vocabulary to talk about these experiences.
Nonetheless, this very positive experience had been extremely powerful, insightful and motivational and has severely affected me throughout the months following that ceremony. It was actually the main catalyst for me to google for volunteering opportunities literally around the clock for two weeks straight until I had found the organization which my post from last year was about.
What had happened in that ceremony that made me unstoppable and fully convicted that this was the way to go? Well… this is what ayahuasca did for me. Somehow it decontructed and defragmented all my internal desires and wishes, hopes and dreams, some of which I wasn’t even fully aware of or conscious about and it shoved them in my face with a force that was, as I said, otherworldly.
And why did specifically this happen to me during my ayahuasca experience? A simple answer to that is: that’s what I asked it to give me. Indeed, anyone taking ayahuasca should mentally and emotionally prepare themselves for it by reflecting on what their personal motivations for taking ayahuasca are. Before the ceremony starts these motivations are shared with the group for the sole purpose of aligning your mental state with these motivations through speech.
Besides the benefits of truly getting to know myself, as if my soul stared at itself in a metaphysical mirror for 6 hours, ayahuasca also helped me overcome the feelings and thoughts that held me back from pursuing these insights. The motivational part of my ayahuasca experience showed me how my moral values and belief systems were in fact a good and sincere way to view the world and that I should embrace them and learn how to love and trust myself. This gave me the strength to face my doubts and fears which I felt was missing all this time.
Allow me to expand on that last bit right there. My entire adolescent life I have noticed the way I think about and look at the world to be quite different from most other people. Ultimately, this has made me insecure about that which I believe to be true and good because there were so incredibly many people who sometimes thought the complete opposite. And I mean everything, from their world views to their life choices and from what they value to how they constructed their arguments. Plenty of these people were way more intelligent than me so that really got me questioning a lot about myself and in a way I got stuck in that trying to find myself some answers.
In short, and to be honest, incompletely, I have tried to tell you about my first experience with this entheogenic substance and how it has been extremely beneficial to me. I highly recommend to anyone to read about it and, if you feel like it, to partake in a ceremony. I hope to go one step further by sharing my experiences surrounding ayahuasca here on this site which has been aptly named afteraya. Because it truly feels like there has been a deep personal transformation that has taken place and afterwards nothing has been the same anymore.
Thank you for reading and feel free to comment or contact me 🙂